Archive for the ‘Messages to Men’ Category
Posted by Robin, Philly
This is post #2 in a series called I.N.A.Y.: It’s Not About You. I.N.A.Y. #1: “Effectively” Calling Out Patriarchy can be found here.
Recently, I had a series of discussions with a new male acquaintance about touching. Basically, I had tried to communicate that I disliked him touching me, and he kept doing it anyway. When he was confronted about this, his explanation was that he thinks people in our society are too isolated from each other, and in an effort to bridge our isolation, he goes out of his way to touch people.
The guy is certainly not the first person in my life to repeatedly touch me when I’ve tried to make it clear I don’t want them to, but I’ll give it to him that he’s the first person to have apparently put so much thought into it, indeed to have a theory around it.
The problem is, by reducing it to a formulaic theory (we’ve talked about the link between theory and patriarchy on here before), he is putting his ideology before the desires of actual people in his life. He is being harmfully dogmatic, his actions say “I know best what is good for you, better than you do. Even if you ask me not to touch you, I will because I know what you need.” I.E., he’s being paternalistic and entitled.
There are more problems with the L Word than I care to count, but occasionally they hit on something that is worth mentioning. This episode was aired almost 5 years ago, but I still think it is worth posting and discussing.
In the episode Jenny discovers her roommate Mark had installed hidden cameras and had been filming them (including Shane and her partner having sex) for his “documentary”.
Concrete Ways Not to be a Total Dude Bro
i.e., I Can’t Believe You Guys Are Being for Real
by Adrian & Emilyn with special thanks to Christa.
DISCLAIMER: We recognize that the tone of this piece is probably a little aggressive or angry. That’s because we were really angry and upset and in a bad place when we wrote it. We’ve come back a few months later, removed some of the profanity, and tried to be not so confrontational. But it was also important for us to be able to express these things that we’ve felt for so long, and haven’t been empowered to say. So please, when you’re reading this, try not to get defensive, and try to acknowledge where we were when we wrote this.
dude bro: (noun) \ˈdüd \ˈbrō
1. a gender-normative male-bodied person who acts in a patriarchal way
2. one who is macho and/or overly- and obnoxiously-masculine, in the worst way(s) possible
1. something/someone with the qualities of a dude bro
2. dominated by men
cisgender: (noun.) (in this piece we use cismale/cismen/cisdude)
1. the contrast to trans on the gender spectrum
2. someone who lives and identifies as the sex they were assigned at birth
- Stop prowling (also, stop denying it when you are).
- Stop lying to yourself — you’re not a good feminist.
- STFU&L (shut the fuck up and listen). Read the rest of this entry »
This is just something I’ve started fleshing out. I think it would be really good for us all to contribute so PLEASE add.
I can’t tell you enough how sorry I am that you are so confined to your awful gender norm that require you to ASSUME positions of power and that require that you have pretty much full control and autonomy over your own life. It sucks that no ruling power is above you besides a government that is made up of ….men. For that, I am truly sorry. I, as a woman, would love to be the first to apologize for boxing you in as my oppressor and making you writhe in discomfort when you talk about how much it hurts you to hurt me. I am SO sorry that by ‘working on your shit’ you mean ‘not’ and trust me, I know, from just how much you’ve told me, that that sucks. A lot. I know what you’re going through; I understand your struggle. I may never be able to understand it fully, but I will try my hardest, throwing aside my own problems to help you figure out yours. After all, it’s hard to be a feminist! Too many ambitions to save the world, too little time. Read the rest of this entry »
posted by Robin, Philly SDS
Last weekend at the Anarchist Movement Conference in the UK, a group of women interrupted the conference with a direct action – they played a video they created called “No Pretence” about sexism in the anarchist movement.
On their website, nopretence.wordpress.com, the anonymous group says,
“This is what was said.
“We make no pretence. This is a conference by and for anarchists. And by anarchists, we mean those opposed to the state, all forms of nationalism, capitalism, sexual/race/gender oppression and all forms of exploitation and domination,” Anarchist Movement Conference 09 Call Out
This is our response.
Pretty effing cool.
They also have a list of links about sexism in Leftist movements, many of which we had on out womyns caucus wiki pg. Check it out!